


A Pair of Fools

by goldberry-in-the-rushes (thepottermalfoyproblem)



Series: Rogue and Renegade [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cargsdoodles' universe, M/M, Modern Middle Earth, Renegade Biker Nori, Rogue Toymaker Bofur, Stolen Hats, coffeeshop au sorta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-02 11:38:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4058578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepottermalfoyproblem/pseuds/goldberry-in-the-rushes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nori and Bofur have been trading flirting remarks for a while now. Nori discovers that he means what he is saying, but does Bofur return his feelings? Either way, its awkward for the both of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Pair of Fools

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I don't own shit. Seriously, even the AU setting doesn't belong to me.
> 
> This is a prequel to the little one-shot idea I had a while back. It's set in the wonderful Modern AU fee&kee setting created and maintained by [Cargsdoodles](http://cargsdoodles.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. Seriously, the universe is amazing and I love it, so this is for her. May the AU never die.

No matter what part of Arda Nori found himself in, he always enjoyed his job. Being in possession of charm, quick wit, and a bartending license usually guaranteed him gainful employment. The thrill of interaction and the delicate puzzle of mixing drinks provided no end of entertainment for the man, and his customers only served to increase the merriment.

Also, it was astonishing how much people would let slip after a couple drinks.

The bar that Nori currently occupied was small, a hole in the wall really, tucked into a back-alley of [Gondamon], Ered Luin. He’d been filling in for the normal barkeep for a week now, with prospects to stay on for quite a bit longer.

What the bar lacked in size it more than made up for in personality. A plaque on the wall boasted its founding in the Fourth Age (doubtful) and the weathered wooden beams and floors carried a history of drunken brawls and possibly murder (less doubtful). The usual crowd that hung about late into the night varied from disheveled suits drinking off their broken lives to cheerful laborers taking the chill of their bones with a pint.

It was loud. It was smelly. It was hectic. Nori loved it.

Tonight was no different and Nori whistled as he wiped down the bar in anticipation of the evening crowd. A few early patrons started trickling in and settling around the rickety tables and beat up bar. He had his back to the counter for a moment when a cheerful voice piped up. “Fancy seeing you here today.”

Smirking, Nori turned around to face his friend. Bofur grinned from underneath his hat.

“What’s a fine gentleman like yourself doing in a dump like this?” said Nori.

Bofur leaned against the bar lazily. “I heard the barkeep was hot, had to check for myself.” He looked over Nori with an exaggerated eye. “Pretty sure my informant lied.”

Nori rolled his eyes and flicked his bar rag at Bofur. The two of them had become friends the last time Nori travelled to the Ered Luin and Bofur never missed an opportunity to pester Nori while he worked.

He was also a shameless flirt. Nori never could tell if Bofur was actually flirting or just being himself, so he flirted back for the hell of it. The first couple of times he had just meant to be silly, but he had quickly realized that there was an excited flutter in his stomach when he tossed ridiculous lines in Bofur’s direction. The notion of “oh, crap, I’m being serious” had sent him fleeing for the hills the following week. He had brushed off any concern with excuses about vague yet menacing dangers.

Yet, despite efforts to curb interaction for fear of attachment, he and Bofur had continued to talk over text, flirting included. It was a small thing, but it made Nori unusually nervous. He was sure Bofur didn’t mean any of it, but he didn’t know what hurt more. That Bofur was flirting just to flirt or that Bofur didn’t know Nori, at least, meant what he was saying. The notion that Bofur might mean what he was saying never even crossed Nori’s mind.

Nori ground that train of thought to a halt and tucked his rag through his apron string. “So, handsome, what’ll it be?” He could have kicked himself for letting the endearment slip, but Bofur didn’t seem to notice.

“Eh, whatever ale is on tap today’ll be fine,” said Bofur, settling onto a tall barstool and pushing his ridiculous hat back on his head.

Nori went about pouring Bofur’s drink and never noticed that the other man’s eyes followed him the whole evening, a thoughtful glimmer in their depths.

\------

Another week passed. Nori kept working at the bar, one ear tuned for interesting news. Bofur came and went, a persistent presence at the bar most nights, a pint in his hand and a twinkle in his eyes. At the end of the week Nori had a few days off, and so figured that he might not see Bofur. Even thought they were friends, they never really interacted outside of Nori’s disreputable workplace. This was not for lack of trying, but rather that they were both busy most of the time. If Nori was off work, Bofur was stuck in a massive project. If Bofur was off work, Nori was working a later shift than normal.

He was surprised then, when he got a text asking to meet at a little coffee shop downtown. The Busy Bean Café wasn’t the sort of place a biker like Nori would frequent, but he was willing to give it a shot for Bofur’s sake. Though he felt immeasurably out of place walking through the door, he couldn’t help the grin that crossed his face. This was exactly the sort of environment that suited Bofur: upbeat, homey, and very slightly retro.

Indeed, the man in question sat at a corner table, looking like he belonged in his stylish skinny jeans and soft leather vest. He hadn’t yet noticed Nori, instead focusing his attention on the massive pile of paperwork spread out in front of him.

Rolling his eyes, and swallowing an unwanted surge of fondness, Nori padded across to the table, an overpriced cup of coffee clutched in his hands. Bofur looked up as he approached and shrugged apologetically.

“Work followed me home this week. I thought I could escape, but I was gravely mistaken.”

Nori smirked, “Since it seems you already have a date I guess I better go elsewhere.”

Bofur smirked back, “Eh, no matter which date I have, the end result is likely the same. I end up royally fucked.”

Nori, in testament to his nerves of steel and excellent poker face, did **not** blush furiously. Instead, he sat down in the chair Bofur nudged toward him with his foot.

“So, you summoned me here. Any particular reason? Other than terrible one-liners?” Nori leaned on the back legs of the chair and watched as the barista at the counter winced. He leaned further with a smirk.

Bofur snorted at his antics. “Don’t terrorize the poor girl, Nori.” He eyed his friend’s clothes skeptically. “You’re frightening enough already.”

Nori feigned horror as he looked down as his dusty biking leathers. “I’m perfectly normal. It’s probably your hat that’s disturbing the wait-staff.” He couldn’t help but add, “even if I find it charming.”

The behatted man stuck his tongue out at Nori. “Charming, huh? That’s truly all you think of me?”

“Well, I can think of a few other words, but we’re in polite company.” Nori eased his chair back down. “If you won’t tell me why we’re here, you can at least enlighten me to all this mess.” He gestured to the table between them.

Bofur pulled a face and despondently lifted up a paper with the tip of his pen. “As I said, work followed me. It’s just maintenance reports and part orders, but it has to be done. Mind-numbingly dull, which is why I asked you to join me. Figured you might make time pass quicker.”

“I tend to have that effect on people,” snorted Nori. “Though the process usually includes more alcohol and less caffeine.”

Bofur huffed out a laugh and shuffled through the papers in front of him. “True, I suppose. You can’t just whisk me away from this Valar-forsaken mess?”

“I could, if you wanted.” Nori said. It came out more quietly than he intended, a half-joke hanging between them with all the weight of a serious offer. If he could have snatched his words back, he would have. Nori swallowed hard and took a sip of his coffee to mask it.

“I have a cousin that owns a toyshop in Erebor,” said Bofur casually, signing another sheet of paper. “I could call him and see if he needs an extra set of hands. Would be nice to craft things again rather than manage idiots who don’t know their own backside from their neighbor’s.”

Across the table, Noir raised an eyebrow. “Last time I was in town you loved your job, what happened?”

“I did too well and got promoted, that’s what. I was excited about it too until I found out it meant I no longer got to work with my hands.”

Nori, forever in the gutter, couldn’t help but snort into his drink. Bofur frowned, but his eyes twinkled merrily.

“I’m sure it’s nowhere near as exciting as you’re imagining. Lots of rock dust, occasional fiery explosions, not sexy at all.”

“Hey, explosions can be extremely sexy.” Nori winked before he could stop himself. His friend only chuckled and started stacking papers into a folder.

“I wouldn’t know, never had the pleasure.”

Nori nearly choked on his last gulp of coffee. “What,” he managed to wheeze out after a moment.

“Sorry, that just slipped out,” muttered a suddenly crimson Bofur from underneath his hat. “Not a conversation for a quiet coffee shop. ‘Specially since my little brother’s behind the counter today.”

“Bombur’s the barista?” Nori glanced over at the counter.

“Nah, owner and chief cook.” Bofur said proudly, nodding towards the heavyset ginger manning the register. “And I don’t wanna defile his store with my exploits, failed though they are.” He pushed himself away from the table and stood. “C’mon, let’s go outside or something. I’d like a smoke anyway.”

Nori meandered after Bofur, settling against the warm brick of the storefront while his friend rummaged through the leather satchel hanging at his side. He narrowly avoided gaping as Bofur resurfaced with a pipe and a pouch of Longbottom Leaf.

“Could you get any more retro?” he snorted.

“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it,” quipped Bofur, calmly tamping pipeweed into the wooden pipe. Lighting a match, he coaxed his pipe to life and sighed out a stream of smoke.

Nori raised an eyebrow, “I could say the same of explosions, ‘specially of the sexy variety.”

Bofur inhaled suddenly and coughed. “I guess you could at that,” he said once he got his breath back. “But, like I mentioned before, I wouldn’t know.” He stared off into space a moment tapping his pipe on his lips, appearing to consider his words. “Been waitin’ for the right person,” he said slowly, “and they don’t seem to be in any big hurry. Thought I was gettin’ somewhere with somebody a while back… but they skedaddled afore I could make any serious moves.”

Nori, busily lighting his own cigarette, missed the glance Bofur sent in his direction and the fleeting pained tightening of normally cheerful lips. He hummed in what he hoped was an understanding manner and was met with a longsuffering sigh.

“It doesn’t matter. I just really thought I had something. Didn’t know ‘til after they were gone, so a lot of good it did me anyhow.”

Nor clamped down on the sudden ache in his chest at the thought of Bofur looking at someone else, _anyone_ else, with his mischievous puppy eyes and made an attempt at comfort.

“Tell me about ‘em then. Were they anything as handsome as me?” He nonchalantly flicked ash into the parking lot and watched his friend out of the corner of his eye. This time he didn’t miss Bofur’s expression, the bitten lip and sudden flush instead of a witty retort.

“Something like that, yeah.” Bofur responded, so quiet he could have been whispering. There was a tinge of pained laughter behind his words and Nori felt like someone had stabbed him in the gut. He was suddenly certain that he had been very, very wrong and that Bofur had likely meant every word.

He wanted to bolt, but the twisting knife-pain in his gut told him that was a terrible idea. Equally terrible were all the snarky, flirty lines that popped into his mind and were hastily discarded. In the end, he was merely silent, which was probably the worst thing he could have done.

The silence was not the quiet, companionable stillness that so often overtook them in the slow nights at the bar, Nori leaning against the counter while Bofur nursed a pint and they let the world flow past around them. This silence was heavy and terrible and tense with unsaid words and the knife-sharp pain in Nori’s gut grew with every second that ticked by. He felt his mouth trying to form words, but nothing came out. First his heart betrayed him and now his silver tongue. Nori could feel the tips of his ears going warm and prayed Bofur didn’t notice. His fingers itched with the urge to _do something_ , almost the same as they did around shiny baubles.

Bofur tilted his head back against the wall, the last of his pipe smoke drifting from his lips into the leaden air. He tapped his pipe out on his boot and ground down the embers with his heel. Pushing away from the wall he said quietly, “Don’t worry about it, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

He turned to go back into the coffee shop and Nori couldn’t take it any longer. Dropping his cigarette from shaking fingers, the biker reached out and grasped Bofur’s wrist, tugging him back around to face him.

“No, it does matter,” he said in answer to Bofur’s startled, questioning eyes, even as he was leaning up and pressing a kiss to the man’s lips. When there was no response he drew back, prepared to deflect and flee if he had misread the signals.

He paused at the sight that met him.

Bofur’s eyes had glazed over and his throat worked for a moment before a simple “oh” fell from his lips. Then he blinked and a glint in his eyes was the only warning Nori had before he found himself pressed against the wall, Bofur’s chapped lips covering his own. He tasted of sweet Longbottom Leaf and bitter coffee and an electric tingle that was undeniably unique.

The world was just starting to narrow to that single point of contact when the sound of someone clearing their throat interrupted the two. They sprang apart to find Bombur standing in the doorway of the shop, an amused expression on his face.

“I don’t mind you two finally worked things out, frankly the pining was awful, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t scar my customers and defile my clean window glass.”

Bofur flushed crimson, and Nori dazedly noted that that just made the man even more handsome. The vague sound of a wolf-whistle floated out the open shop door, but the two barely noticed. Bombur sighed, albeit fondly, “Shoo, lovebirds, I have a shop to run and can’t do that with you two sucking face on the doorstep. I’m sure you can do that just as well elsewhere.”

Even as his brother went back inside the shop, shaking his head and grinning, Bofur pressed his forehead up against Nori’s. “I thought you didn’t mean anything by your flirting.”

Nori chuckled, “I didn’t at first, thought you were flirting for fun too. When I figured out I actually meant what I was saying, I couldn’t stand the thought of uselessly pining over you so I bolted.”

“Couple o’ fools we turned out to be.” Bofur’s smile could have lit up a whole town.

Nori’s chuckle grew into a full-body laugh and he pulled Bofur into a rough hug, there on the steps of the coffee shop.

“That we did, Bo’, that we did.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
